I am pleased to share that I had the amazing opportunity to participate in this ad.https://youtu.be/Q3Aiwmg8cQI

I read the heart breaking news of Julia Louis-Dreyfus being diagnosed with Breast Cancer yesterday. She has a special place in my heart as “Elaine” of Seinfeld. I loved her character and her candid ways. I was upset to read her announcement about being diagnosed and really hope that she goes into remission soon.

She said on twitter ”

One in eight women get breast cancer, today I am the one”

So happy to see the outpouring of support for her. However what is even more upsetting is the pressure that is starting to mount on her.  Apparently “cancer doesn’t know who its messing with!”
Well here is the reality, just as breast cancer happens to people without a clear reason, through no fault of theirs, it doesn’t go away because it suddenly realized that it was “messing with the wrong person!”
Yes cancer, please look for really weak, emotionally dead and frail people to attack because you need to pick the right people. Do you realize how dumb this sounds?
The truth is that cancer does not discriminate. It happens to all ages, all genders and to rich and famous and regular people alike. I love the anthems of inspiration and the encouragement to fight but I don’t know if folks ever consider the pressure these expectations put on the person diagnosed?
John McCain who is a hero in every sense of the word, is being cheered on to beat Glioblastoma of the brain , one of the most aggressive and mean cancers out there. Look, people don’t have the power to beat cancer. All they can do is maintain peace with the diagnosis, go through treatments, cope with the horrendous side effects and hope for the best. The internally resilient cope better with the let downs that come with cancer but it does not mean that they are exceptionally qualified to “beat” cancer.
We as a society need to realize the limitations that exist in cancer treatment. There are cancers that cannot be cured. Oncologists some times are just life extenders. Modern medicine has no cure for stage four breast cancers. It is ironic that Stage 0-3 of breast cancer are in the category of warriors who will beat cancer and the Stage 4 metastatic group who is likely to succumb to the disease is considered not worthy of being the cancer poster child even though it is the group that will suffer most at the hands of cancer. And don’t I know the suffering I have endured in the last four years!  I am a physician and a psychiatrist, if there were secrets to beating cancer, believe me I would know. But there aren’t. We know of risk factors and mitigating factors but no recipe for complete success.
As a society we have gotten very confused about how to support cancer patients. We make cancer about the person who is suffering from this disease. That somehow this person has some magical personality characteristics which allows them to be that one person who defies numbers and statistics and medical data. Yes there are exceptions and super survivors who live beyond the averages. Studies are being done to find how.

I truly do understand we are people not numbers but let’s not put the burden of an outcome on the patient. When was the last time we as society forced a diabetic to beat their disease and become a non diabetic warrior? We channel our fears of cancer killing our loved ones into transforming them as magical heroes beyond ourselves so the fear of losing them abates a bit. We all know heroes win, so it necessary emotionally to make them different and superhuman.
I often am told myself, “If anyone can, you can (beat cancer)”, I feel flattered by the conviction of my friends and followers but tell you a secret, I have nothing extra to put myself into remission than another breast cancer patient. I don’t think that the 113 women, who die of metastatic cancer every day, were less of “fighters” than I.

Cancer is a vicious disease and one can stand tall in the face of it with conviction and resilience but the outcome is the draw of luck and to a certain extent, good and timely treatment.
We still don’t know for sure, why cancer recurs after many years of dormancy. There are theories and studies but none point out that it was because it was messing with the “wrong” person.
We all conclude based on our faith and personality, why we were spared by cancer or not but let’s move away from putting the pressure on the survivor to somehow change the course of a disease that they have no control over. Someday, we will know more.

Let’s support those diagnosed with cancer with love and listening. Let’s cheer them through their treatments and keep their hopes alive with encouragement but let’s not set them up to be responsible for what is so beyond their control. Cancer is an unfair fight to begin with. Let’s not out more pressure on an already burdened souls. Some succumb to cancer and some don’t. That is life, raw and honest.

Metastatic breast cancer is an ongoing struggle
A lot of people don’t realize that treatment for stage 4 breast cancer never ends. “I often get asked how many rounds of chemotherapy or infusions I have left, but the truth is there’s no endpoint,” says Uzma Yunus, a psychiatrist who has stage 4 breast cancer that’s spread to her liver and skull. “I will be on a medication until it stops working, and then I’ll look for the next agent that might help.”

http://www.health.com/breast-cancer/what-to-know-about-metastatic-breast-cancer#01-metastatic-breast-cancer-intro

https://m.mixcloud.com/podcastdetroitinternetradio/unsung-heroes-ep-22-cancer-and-the-power-of-story/

http://chicagotonight.wttw.com/2017/08/29/left-boob-gone-rogue-insightful-humorous-blog-about-breast-cancer

Sept 23, 2017

So I start cycle #3 of Xeloda today. Unfortunately I woke up to the news of my Facebook friend with liver metastasis not responding to Xeloda and over last fifteen days ending up in hospice.I wish her an easy transition.This is what I live with emotionally.

That it could all be over in two weeks. I try to look at others who have responded and doing well. But it’s hard to turn the fears off. 

The second cycle was rough and my appetite has taken a nose dive. I can no longer tolerate desi food and spices. My hand and feet did take a hit and for the most part of last week , walking felt like walking bare feet on dry grass.

I no longer walk barefoot at home but wear padded slippers. 

Of course, none of this takes me down and I have lots of exciting things lined up for October.

I keep making the lemonade and at times add a little vodka to it.

Scans will be after cycle four.

Fingers crossed.

Cards keep coming. Thank you for the love and support!

Progression was seen on scans. This chemo regimen did not do the job!

As a physician patient, I clearly understand what it means to have metastatic cancer. When I was first diagnosed with metastasis, that’s when I started to grieve what this illness will do to my life. It was then that I suffered the most. Over the time since April 2016, I have remained focused on my life goals and taking nothing for granted. I have and am doing things that I love and enjoy. I meet people and strengthen my relationships. I have unloaded many things that don’t matter any more, people, thoughts, actual things.
I am at peace with what I am doing and where I am. I have no complaints. I truly have had a very good life and I know that I have made a difference.

So whatever is supposed to come next, I am willing to accept. I will however remain focused on quality vs quantity. And there are treatment options yet but I am blowing through them rather quickly. That’s what happens, in a downward course, options fail and then there isn’t anything left to try. For me it could be in the next three months or another two years. Only time will decide.

And yes, before you talk about anyone being hit by a bus, I could also be hit by the bus.

This doesn’t mean I have no hope, it just means that I appraise my reality well based on scientific evidence. And yes miracles do happen but if they happened for everyone , we would call them standard treatment not miracles.

My time and sense of wellness remains my most valuable asset .

I have goals to accomplish and things to do yet.

Thank you for the massive outpouring of support and I can tell you that I slept well last night WITHOUT having to take a sleep aid. I was prepared for results. I am certainly disappointed but I am not crushed. I just know I still have time.

July 15th, 2017 :We have all heard the phrase, “Life can change in a moment!” But we don’t truly believe it until it happens! 

For me that moment happened exactly four years ago today. July 15th, 2013.

Yes, a phone call and awkward pause and an apology. And my life changed in a way that was hard to comprehend and even harder to live. It has been a long four years, full of challenges , suffering and unusual human interaction. With life lessons at every corner and opportunities to reflect and make sense of the clock that is constantly ticking.

Having heard the sentence, now twice, that I have cancer, here I am. Bald, tired but full of appreciation of life. With your support I have chronicled my journey and today I wish to share this news with you that this year , I look forward to having my book, ” Left Boob Gone Rogue” in your hands.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the phrase, ” You should write a book!”

Well I have done that ( almost )

I am in the final phase of this project. I have dealt with major set backs as you all know but giving up has never been an option. Finishing a book during chemotherapy is a challenge in itself!

My biggest fear has been cancer infiltrating my brain and taking away my capacity to think and write. It sat on my skull for months checking out the terrain.

Now that my MRI has been reported and the brain looks ok ( for now) in the next three months I will be devoting all my time and energy to make this book a reality for me and for you.

” Left Boob Gone Rogue” is my story of persisting in face of relentless breast cancer and the suffering it entails.

There will be lots more details coming but I wanted to share this today with you, on my four year cancer anniversary that I persisted.

I am grateful for the love and encouragement from all of you that gives me the confidence to pursue my writing seriously and move forward!

Here is to four years of living with cancer, not just surviving but truly living! To moving forward and to conquering fears!

Much love ?? Uzma Yunus

I took this photo on the day I was feeling ugly.
Yes, I felt un-feminine and ugly that morning. I felt sad. The night before I had shaved a handful of hair still #persisting on my scalp despite two cycles of chemotherapy. I was unsure if I would have hair again in my life time given my diagnosis of stage four incurable cancer. I wondered if I would die bald, I wondered if I was done with having hair forever. With those thoughts , I had grabbed my husband’s electronic razor and shaved my hair off. It needed to be done . Fall had arrived on my scalp and I needed to accept. The next morning I looked at myself, trying to accept that I am bald Again for the second time. My eye lashes were sparse and there was only a faint shadow of my brows. My body that had been used to being toned and fit seemed flabby. All around I felt ugly and undesirable. I thought about the toll cancer had taken on my body and how bit by bit it had stolen from me.

In my anger and rebellion , I got dressed, pulled out my make up and started to use it. I put on fake lashes, painted brows and put on bright lipstick . I told myself ” Gosh darn it , even if I feel ugly, I won’t look ugly”.

An hour later, I was taking selfies all over the house. 

Sometimes, it’s not easy to accept life the way it’s unfolding in front of you but I have found that it is necessary to stare back at it and give it a good scare.

And yes, I may have felt ugly that day, but I made myself pretty. And yes external beauty is superficial but it does matter or there wouldn’t be a billion dollar beauty industry.

I wanted to share this because I want you to know that I am not impermeable and there are many times when I feel vulnerable.

I just end up fighting back, getting up and try to fix the problem I face.

As a smart psychiatrist once said, 

” The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Psychiatrist, Author
Here is the picture from the day I felt ugly!