Revisiting the past 

I have been focusing on finishing a coherent account of my cancer journey.

However it’s challenging to revisit past and all the junctions where life could have changed for better, where I could have had a more hopeful outcome and documenting difficult times.

That has been the reason for not writing new blogs. I am doing okay so far and am on the second cycle of Xeloda. Hair is sprouting back and a few eye brows here and there. But I know very well that they may not stay and it may soon be back to the chemo pole.

I am still on three weekly Herceptin infusions where I am routinely reminded of the reality of my life.

Meanwhile I am squeezing life out of every moment possible. I have many side effects but whatever I can manage, I do. The rest I pretend that they don’t exist.

I am looking forward to fall and for my salted caramel mochas. Kids are back in school and adjusting well.

My husband and I live in optimistic denial often but of course the thoughts of what the next scans will show linger.

I have had treatments in the last year that have failed to combat cancer progression effectively. 

I could sure use some actual hope evident on my scans. A little more than my internal resilience but actual real improvement would be nice to see.

I keep my fingers crossed.

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2 thoughts on “Revisiting the past 

  1. You are a beautiful soul Uzma! No one deserves to go through this but I feel especially discouraged when it happens to people who are kind and inspirational like yourself. Know that we are rooting for you dear.

    Hoping and praying that you will win this battle so badly. Much love from Montreal Canada.

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