I still have time

Progression was seen on scans. This chemo regimen did not do the job!

As a physician patient, I clearly understand what it means to have metastatic cancer. When I was first diagnosed with metastasis, that’s when I started to grieve what this illness will do to my life. It was then that I suffered the most. Over the time since April 2016, I have remained focused on my life goals and taking nothing for granted. I have and am doing things that I love and enjoy. I meet people and strengthen my relationships. I have unloaded many things that don’t matter any more, people, thoughts, actual things.
I am at peace with what I am doing and where I am. I have no complaints. I truly have had a very good life and I know that I have made a difference.

So whatever is supposed to come next, I am willing to accept. I will however remain focused on quality vs quantity. And there are treatment options yet but I am blowing through them rather quickly. That’s what happens, in a downward course, options fail and then there isn’t anything left to try. For me it could be in the next three months or another two years. Only time will decide.

And yes, before you talk about anyone being hit by a bus, I could also be hit by the bus.

This doesn’t mean I have no hope, it just means that I appraise my reality well based on scientific evidence. And yes miracles do happen but if they happened for everyone , we would call them standard treatment not miracles.

My time and sense of wellness remains my most valuable asset .

I have goals to accomplish and things to do yet.

Thank you for the massive outpouring of support and I can tell you that I slept well last night WITHOUT having to take a sleep aid. I was prepared for results. I am certainly disappointed but I am not crushed. I just know I still have time.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “I still have time

  1. You have made a difference and still make a difference. You are an inspiration and exactly what I hope of myself if/when life hands me something like this.

  2. Hope is what keeps me going . It’s been 30 months living with this. I’ve had a wonderful support system which sustains me during the rough patches. I’ve reached so many goals but is terrifying to go backwards . I am also greatful for my life and thank God all day long.

  3. I have read your blog for the last couple of months. Your blog has been an inspiration to myself. I have had a cancer diagnosis in my past and realize the fragility of life. Your words have caused me to cherish all time that we may have.

  4. Uzma, I wish the chemo had done the job for you. I hate the “hit by the bus” metaphor. Thank you for your perspective and insightful words. You have, indeed, made a difference in this world. That’s all one can ever hope for: to spend one’s life in meaningful ways.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s