Page 18 of 18

Silicone Lining

Apparently many think getting the news of breast cancer is a moment to rejoice! Why? Because you get “New Perky Ones!” It has been said to me too often, my response (of course, not aloud) is how about I punch your face so hard that you get a “New Improved Silicone Face!” Idiots! I believe in seeing silver linings, I am even excited about skipping long hair color appointments at the salon after I go bald, freedom from waxing, threading and all other forms of torture popularly known to women as grooming. But really, after hearing someone has breast cancer, this the best you could come with?

It is very interesting how people view cancer as an entity, this big black entity that envelopes people. I see it as a disease, a chronic disease that you live with for the rest of your life (or die with). I was in the waiting room to get my stitches out and was chatting up an old lady who was there to follow up on her ear lobe procedure (the earring holes had gotten too big and she had them repaired). She told me, “Cancer loves sugar.” I don’t know why people talk about cancer as if its their pet, or acquaintance. I have never heard this “Blood pressure loves salt.”

You know who else loves sugar, me! and a lot of people I know. May be when fear is overwhelming, separating it from yourself as an outsider is comforting but cancers are your own cells acting rogue. Making it out to be a big black shadow that follows you gives it more power over you. Having cancer, one reality that must not be forgotten, is that you are in charge, even though you may feel helpless and out of control. So here is to fake silicone breasts and the perks they come with! Cheers!

Monoboob

So even though I made an attempt towards immediate reconstruction, it did not work out (never mind the whole week that I feel that I had a pouch of Capri Sun under my skin). So I needed a second surgery to take Capri Sun out completely (They use a thing called a tissue expander which is a saline filled plastic pouch that gets filled progressively with saline until desired size is achieved). Now I am walking around what I call a “monoboob.” I feel like a unicorn , rare and exotic. Wearing a bra now is no longer a house majority,  instead of two yeses there is one yes and one no. Any ways, whats fascinating is that they take your real thing and hand you this fabric fiber filled fake boob. The punch line, please pin it inside because sometimes, it pops out. Now that fake boob has a name. I call it “Jane in the box”.

5 seconds

The diagnosis of cancer, no matter who you are is scary. However, if for change you are not, some well wisher will make sure you are. “Oh yeah now it’s life time of worry,” and “Exactly what kind of worry are you referring to?” I think. Obviously death. But death is inevitable for everyone, not just cancer patients. It’s true that cancer patients have a heightened sense of shortened longevity, but it is also a helpful catalyst for change. To fix your life, to clean out the clutter, to unload negative forces in your life. Things that people should do anyways but don’t.

Cancer makes you think. Think a lot. The words spins in your head 24 /7. I love the 5 seconds in the morning when I wake up, when my brain in still asleep, and I feel, oh it’s a new morning, then the word cancer creeps in my head. For now I will keep enjoying the 5 seconds in the morning when I haven’t still woken up to the toughest reality of my life. Good morning, it’s another wonderful day!