I am routinely questioned about my metastasis by anxious survivors who want to know what went wrong. They want to know my cancer type, stage, and grade. I know they are doing mental calculations to know how I am different from them. They are looking for reassurance that this won’t happen to them. Everyone who has had cancer is curious about why someone’s cancer metastasized. Will they be next? The fear is understandable.

I have no answers, no reassurance to give. Everyone is different. I have always lived a healthy lifestyle. I eat right and exercise. I was never overweight. I have never smoked tobacco, never drank alcohol, and never experimented with any drugs. Once I got cancer, I followed my oncologists’ recommendation without wavering. Yet, cancer came back.

Honestly, it’s just bad luck. Science still is not quite where they can tell who will have metastasis and who won’t. Of course, the higher the stage, the risk increases. We know something, but not everything.

Sadly, living with uncertainty is a big part of dealing with cancer, and knowing the initial stage and grade of my disease won’t change that.

[Commentary by Dheeraj Raina: This is a version of a Facebook post by Uzma dated March 31, 2017. I have edited it for grammar and clarity. To read my approach to her unpublished work, read this.]

Featured Photo by Santiago Lacarta on Unsplash