Perkspective

The two perks of having cancer that I seriously want to have are medical marijuana and a disabled parking spot – temporarily, of course. For Mary Jane, I have to wait till January to be legal in my state. Although, if I really wanted it today, I hate to admit but could get it, thanks to my substance addicted patients. But that would be unethical, tainted marijuana. So I will wait for January.

As far as the parking spot, I am thinking that I would qualify on the account of being unable to walk much after chemo. See my goal is to be as active as possible and the assurance of having the closest parking spot to the gym, store and work improves my chances of leaving the house. Okay, fine, I admit it, I have always wanted to park in those spots before I got diagnosed, and I am trying it legally this time. What I am unsure of is that if I asked for them together – the marijuana and the disabled auto tag – my oncologist might have “DUI” flashing in her head.

The biggest perk of cancer though is the perspective that you gain in life. I have generally been pretty content with my life and the choices made along the way. When I was waiting for the results of my biopsy, I asked my self this question, “What will you change if this IS cancer?” And I couldn’t come up with anything right away. No I am averse  to change, but really what is it that I would change?

There are a handful and very close relationships that have caused turmoil in my life and they popped in my head. Then the diagnosis got confirmed, and I ended up seeing those relationships in their true colors. Even though, this time it was about me, they continued to switch focus on themselves and what they wanted. Really, you want me to come and visit you because you would like to see me 2 days after chemo? That moment really helped me, made me very angry but also its a cancer perks-pective. This situation needs a distance. In that garage, I am parking as far from the entrance as I possibly can and one day, will leave for sure.

We all live stressed lives, partly because we allow toxic relationships that consume us from the inside leaving us lethargic and angry. Much worse than toxic chemo drugs, they make us feel unattractive and worthless, and we let ourselves spiral down into a universe of negativity and this place is vast. I have cancer breathing down my neck, I have been blessed with the warning and perkspective. But those of you who are in toxic relationships need to clean house and evict them from you emotional garage, No Parking here any more, or at least move them away the farthest so you could be free. And if they get on your nerves, something calming would help. I know what I would take …in January!

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2 thoughts on “Perkspective

  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences throughout your journey. I enjoy your sense of humor and I found the second half of the post very inspiring. My name is Emily by the way and I wanted to know if you could answer a quick question about your blog. Please feel free to email me when you get the chance. Thanks so much!

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